Happiness. Simpler than I always think it is.

Melu: Quisiera poder hacer música, y hacer un disco, con onda folk, o poder escribir, un libro o hacer una pelicula. jaja

Maru: Yo quisiera ser feliz. Todo es posible. jaja

Melu: Sabes que la felicidad depende de uno tonta? Así que deja de preocuparte por lo que te hace falta. La felicidad es como un nene jugando.

Maru: Ojala. Yo soy una nena desnuda caminando en un prado.

Melu: Hay nenes que son felices jugando con una caja, o hasta sin nada, juegan al amigo invisible, juegan a cualquier cosa, sin nada, y son felices. Hay nenes que tiene computadoras y gameboys y de todo, y siguen sin ser felices, esos nenes, cuando el muñeco que tienen pasa de moda no lo quieren mas, quieren el otro. Siempre andan buscando lo que les falta, y no se dan cuenta que no les falta nada para ser felices. El nene de la caja, es feliz por el solo hecho de ser feliz, por jugar, no porque le falte algo. Es feliz con lo que tiene, y punto. La felicidad no es una lista de cosas que hay que tener, la felicidad es un pensamiento, un sentimiento. Yo no era feliz. Siempre pensaba que me faltaba un novio, un buen padre, mas ropa, saber hacer incontables mas cosas, ser grande, tener un trabajo, ser exitosa, famosa etcetera, pensaba que solo iba a ser feliz con esas cosas. Hasta que alguien me preguntó "sos feliz?" y tuve que responder que no, la verdad. Y me preguntó "por qué?" y ahi se desato una tormenta de pensamientos en mi cabeza, y llegué a la conclusion que no tenia razones para no ser feliz. Nadie las tiene. Nose, soy feliz poruqe vivo. Por eso soy feliz, porque puedo querer, soy feliz porque tengo amigos, porque tengo familia. Soy feliz poruqe si no soy feliz estoy desperdiciando mi vida, y desde ese dia soy feliz todos los días.

More than words.

Literature, mi materia preferida, desde que empezé el año pasado y me di cuenta cuánto me gustaba escribir. Cada instrucción de poema era una alegría. De a poco fui empezando a poder expresarme mejor, con el correr del tiempo, y de a poco fui dejando esas instrucciones y por separado empezé a volcar las ideas en cuadernos, papelitos, puertas, brazos escritos... 
El otro dia estaba viendo los poemas y me di cuenta de el gran cambio que hubo. Me asombré, antes me daba miedo mostrar cosas así, me sentía vulnerable; Hoy, me siento vulnerable quizás, pero no me importa porque se que es lo que soy, si gusta bien sino también. Asi que he aqui todos los poemas que tuve que escribir para Literature desde el año pasado... un omelette de ideas, sentimientos, momentos de mi vida, una metamorfosis, nose.

Alice in wonderland

I built an armour

around myself

long time ago

when I was hurt.

What I mean

Is not always what I say.

Music speaks for me,

releases me from my chains.

I'm afraid,

of getting involved,

because the higher you are,

the harder's the fall.

The one who hasn't risked

has never won.

I'm surrounded by people,

but still alone.

21 things I hate about you

I hate your stupid obsession,

and when you play the guitar.

I hate your cool T-shirts,

I hate your baby smile.

I hate it when you talk to me

as if I was just a child.

I hate it when you suddenly kiss me,

and your cosy bear hugs.

I hate I never know what you're thinking,

The way you look and decode my mind.

I hate you understand everything,

and still play the fool, don't know why.

I hate you know you're no good to me,

and care about me that much.

You know you got me on my knees,

for my own good you don't cross the line.

I hate you're bothering in my head everyday,

How every song speaks about you.

I hate that just with your prescence you make me happy,

How memories can steal a smile from me, when I'm in my bathroom locked.

How tears can't fall as easily as that.

I hate that I'll never forget you,

That I'd rather suffer than letting you go.

How if I was in love I keep questioning.

I hate I don't hate you at all.

Love

Striking sweet addiciton

Sliping through soft lips.

Catches you unprecautioned,

Then the world falls to your feet.

As tequila in a lonely night,

leaves you insane for a while.

When it's over, just want to forget,

From time to time memories sorround with no escape.

As a rollercoaster ride,

at an imaginary amusement park.

Ups and downs, scary fun, risks are ran,

Your heart is gambled,

emotions can´t be handled.

Sweet stinking lies,

That's what it isn't,

That's seduction,

is completely different.

Love is a much more risky game.

Where there's no defense and with guns we play.

Even though you can end devastated.

I still believe it's worth it.

Time

Broken pieces fixed with time.

Feelings written on a line.

Chasing games and lots of lies.

There'll be no moon

A cold blue ocean

saulty whales sing,

thir sad song sounds

are now drowned by the ships.

Tiny predators,

Huge whales,

Hiding places,

No escape.

Knowing there'll be no moon,

in vane, avoiding harpoons.

The ocean covered in red.

As the dawn of life in the water reflects.

A silent melody sounds, I mourn.

Waves have calmed down, I mourn.

Moon still hides, I mourn.

And darkness, reigns it all.

I mourn.

Before I fall asleep

The world has turned off.

Peaceful obscurity tucks me in,

As a silent lullaby is sung.

Before I fall asleep,

Mi imagination flies wildly.

Sweet thoughts,

Surrounding my safe place.

Wishes floating in my mind.

In love sighs.

Past memories escape from my pillow,

like fugitives on a secret mission.

Regrets come to me as grey clouds.

They fog my sight.

Future desires open the sky,

As a bright full moon,

A goal I must have.

Reality starts to fade

As time passes by.

Now I'm in the kingdom of dreams,

where fantasies come true,

and nightmares too.

I lament

Reality is hard,

I know it.

There's no escape,

Just face it.

I lament drugs,

which seem to be a quick solution,

though they simply are

a temporal distraction.

A seductive but dangerous addiction

that hises with sweet and fake promises

of a smiley future, easy answers.

A shiny yellow sun in a stormy clouded sky.

Everyone worries about the situation.

I, lament our reaction.

Outloud comments heard as meaningless words.

Expressing thoughts but not looking for solutions.

Our life can be changed by one little word,

and one simple action can transform our world.

(...)

Ficticious stories help me escape for a while,

From this complicated world where we are.

They help me cope with difficult times

and to be optimistic about what will come.

Thoughts run through my mind like scared doubts,

which try to hide the fear of trusting too much.

Meaningless words escape from my mouth,

But my real feelings stay behind.

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry

And curse at the wind, He broke his own heart

And I watched as he tried to reassemble it

And my mama swore, That she would never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised, I'd never sing of love

If it does not exist

But, darling, there must be an exception.

Well, maybe I know somewhere, Deep in my soul

That love never lasts, And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone, Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this, Keeping a comfortable distance

And up until now, I had sworn to myself

That I'm content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But there must be an exception.

And I'm on my way to believing.

I don't know how to say this... But I don't feel like you do.
I hate to make you feel like this, I never thought I could make anybody feel it.
But slow down, or the fall will hurt even more.

Extracto de "Le Mort" por Maru F.

Ella lo mira, y lo espera. Hace años que lo espera, sin respuesta alguna.

Los días pasan y su rostro se embellece mientras que su corazón envejece. Ese chico no es conciente del rubí que pierde delante de sus ojos. Inocente, pero a su vez estúpido. Estúpido por no mirar enfrente de él y ver a la persona más maravillosa que en cuestión de meses puede perder.

Los versos de ella ya no tienen sentido. Su inspiración, se ha ido.

Las palabras de éste pobre chico son dejadas en el olvido. Su musa, se ha perdido.

Los dos, no entienden que uno aprende a amar, no cuando encuentre a la persona perfecta, sino cuando aprenda a creer en la perfección de una persona imperfecta.

Los dos son ingenuos. El niño quiere ser el primer amor de su amada. La niña quiere que su amado sea su último amor. Los dos reconocen que no pueden vivir separados. Los dos se aman a la distancia. Los dos conocen el verdadero significado del amor.

Me enorgullesco de ser quien publique el primer pedazo de tu obra.

Mariana, zorrita sensible y "rarita", sos todo una poeta. Gracias por confiar en mi. Te quiero loca.

Effy: "It's dark. I can´t see. The curtains are closed. There´s a man, sitting on a chair... He's facing away of me."

John: "What if he leaves? What if he's not there? What if he was never there? Open the curtains, and let the sun shine in."

He aquí lo que a nadie le importa.

Ahh, nono. Nosé que me pasa, pero la cosa es que voy a dejar de tirar pequeñas "hints" de mi puta vida, porqué me harté y ahora tengo ganas de escribir. Y SI A NADIE LE IMPORTA, LO LAMENTO. Y nadie mira esta cosa, blog, como se llame... Y no me importa tampoco.

Como empezar... Si son las hormonas, espero que se vayan rapido, porque esto de estar triste, despues agresiva, despues tierna y cariñosa, después alegre... NO. Si, estoy en transicion triste-agresiva; y por definicion este ciclo vuelve a empezar, pero bueno, no queda otra.

Me harté, de la gente. Si, me harté de andar haciéndome la boluda, me harte de que se hagan los boludos, me harté de las falsas amistades, me harté de preocuparme por gente que no se preocupa por mi, me harté de los hombres, los viejos, los nuevos, los inexistentes. Me harté de mi familia, me harté de mis problemas, me harté de mi viejo, mi vieja, mi abuela, el colegio, mi casa, todo, TODO. Me harté de ser una pelotuda, me harté de darmela de "kapa", de querer saber todo de todos (quizás solo de algunos). Me harté de este amor platónico, de hacerme la peliculita, de crearme esperanzas, me harté hasta de contar la historia, de matarme intentando saber que piensa tal o cual, de que si se dará cuenta de lo que no puede ser MAS obvio, de escaparme a mi burbujita de faso, otra realidad. Me harté de mentirme, de cegarme... Me harté de intentar. Me harté de las omisiones, de los quizás, las indirectas, de sacar mis propias conclusiones, me harté de los grises, los intentos a medias. Me harté de sentir que las palabras se vuelven barullo, de esperar sentada, de los ruidos, de extrañar gente, de lamentar cosas, de darme pena. Me harté de necesitarlos, de ser dependiente, de necesitar un abrazo, necesitar a tal o cual persona en tal o cual momento, de no ser capaz de decirlo. Me harté de todo. Basta.

Me parece que de ahora en mas, las cosas de frente, bien explícito, aunque no sea la mejor manera, la mas seductora, simpática, lo que sea, es lo que necesito por ahora, ya que no tengo a disposición una maquina de leer mentes o transmitir mensajes claros.

Los necesito y tanto tiempo me mostré independiente que ya dan por sentado que no me hacen falta.

Los necesito, y lo odio.

Y me harté, de todo.

.

Qu

iero ll

orar. Qu

iero llorar. Q

uiero llorar. Quie

ro llorar.Quiero llor

ar. Quiero llorar.

Quiero llorar.Quiero llor

ar. Quiero llorar. Quiero

llorar. Quiero llorar.

Quiero llorar. Quier

o llorar.

"I really wanna be your friend forever. Friend until the end of it."

Wish I could forget. Wish we could beat statistics.

"Ojalá te enamores."

-Gritó una gitana maldiciendo en Andalucía.

The cat is under the table.

M: *im just wondering my dear... what about life?

S: *your second name is interesting

M: *are we really alive? or is it all just an illusion?

*maybe we are a project form another world... why do we live?

S: *good question.. maybe we are nothing else but an experiment

M: *yeah, that's what i said, untill somone told me love was the answer.

S: *love suxs, ah? that can't be the answer.. no way

M: *and i wonder, love? what the hell is it?, i mean, isnt love suffering? then we are here to suffer? or maybe just to learn what love's worth.... it's worth a life of suffering.. just for a few minutes of it, even seconds? Ahh... life. love. death. suffering. What complicated human beings we are... I mean, no one understands us. neither do us. what are we? we cannot be just cells, there must be something else.

S: *we are nothing but a bunch of feelings. waiting days, years, maybe a life just to feel we are loved by someone else.

M: *that's sad. I feel pity for myself.

S: *yeah, you should

M: *I dont want to die alone. I really dont. But I'm too scared, to get rejected, to be abandoned. And I harm myself, I mean, i dont want to be alone, But I'm too scared to really get involved with someone.

S: *im sorry to tell ya, that i can assure you wont. nobody can

M: *Yeah we can, what about those people who arent loved, and die alone at the hospitals, streets, maybe even in their houses, where they live an empty life?, I consider that as dying alone.

S: *bad experiences teach us not to do the same mistakes twice. it isnt supposed that love has always a black side. it cant be. the purpose of our lives is not suffering.. YOU WILL find someone someday who will make you feel that every bad experience taught you how to deal with frustration.

M: *yeah, true, But love DOES always have a dark side. If not it isn´t worth, I mean, if you dont have to fight for it, if you don´t try the dark side, then you'll never be able to appreciate love.

S: *yeah, of course it has... but that doesnt mean that it is ALWAYS dark, you have to learn to see the positive things about it. it cant be just suffering.. do you know what i mean?

M: *yes, i know.. I know that every bad experience it's worth. Everything is worth. I mean, I can see the possitive side. Deep down, i really feel, that every mistake, every match won, every little gesture, coincidence, people known, they mean something, like if everything was just a path, and that it always leads to happiness, even if it's at the end. I think, that my intuition about certain things... I dont know, I just feel as if it's right. And then I do it, And the I can see that it happened for a reason

S: *Do you believe in destiny? dont you think that we are the drivers of our own life?? that we have the power of commanding ourselves?

M: *I believe that, But I also believe that intuition is like a guidance, That it's right, That everything happens for a reason. Even the smallest thing

S: *interesting.. we'll never know. that's the challenging misterious and beautiful part of being alive.. living among a routine which we don't know if is right, or wrong, or just useless... living just because we found ourselves in a place not knowing why, but having clear that there must be a purpose. everyone has their purpose. it's the magical thing of being alive to discover which one is.

Thanks Choff, for our bizarre little chat.

"Meet me at the bathroom"

that's what she said.

All the good times are on their way

Up and down that's how energy stays alive

And I wouldn't have it any other way

Well it's a big big city and it's always the same

Can never be too pretty tell me you your name

Is it out of line if I were simply bold to say "Would you be mine"?

Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen

I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream

Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk

So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely

Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so

It's just like you to come and go,

You know me no you don't even know me

Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye

A girl like you's just irresistible

Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out

But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out

And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces

And my heads a mess

And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along

Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong

And it's you, woo hoo

That's got me going crazy for the things you do

So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me

Oh your a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk

I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry

And only, a girl like you could be lonely

And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same

A boy like me's just irresistible

So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely

Oh your a silly girl, I know I hurt it so

It's just like you to come and go

And know me, no you don't even know me

Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye

A girl like you's just irresistible.

Todo pasa por algo, y hoy, es el primer dia del resto de mi vida.