Eclipse

What are you now?
What have you became?
Why have you changed?
I miss you as hell.

You used to hug me and kiss.
Call me your little princess.
Hide and seek behind the trees.

You're not the one I knew before,
the one I need, the one I loved.
I try my best, but it isn't worth.

Formula 1 on sundays,
sitting on your lap so cosy resguarding,
singing, dancing, you used to smile.
Now you're just caged in your mind.

Where are you now?
Wont you come back just for a while?
What made you change?
Guess I'm not a priority on your life.

An eclipse could happen from day to night,
I know that stars with different intensity they shine.
I can see a glimpse of light up far behind,
far away, second star to the right.

Love? (Essay)

Love. What's that? I don't know If I have ever felt it. Have you? How do you know it's love? I still can't make my mind about this. It's like a constant debate between being Summer Finn or Tom Hansen. Love... Summer swears she doesn´t believe it exists, and Tom has an unbreakable faith. He keeps falling in love each and every time, waiting for "the one". 

"Tom: Okay, but wait, what happens if you fall in love? 

Summer: You don't believe that, do you? 
Tom: It's love. It's not Santa Claus."

I truly think, Summer is just afraid. Her parents couldn't find it, why would she even look for it? To suffer? "Love is suffering" say some. It might be true, but.. Isn't love worth suffering? When you love someone you give the other person the power to destroy you completely. You hand them the axe that can cut off your head, but you hope and trust the other person won't do it, because they love you too. Vulnerable people like me and Summer, are too scared of consequences, the end is all we think about, we're pessimistics. We need to learn, how to enjoy the present, enjoy each second. Maybe it doesn't last forever, but you can't waste love, you can't prevent yourself from loving, because then, you won't be able to feel it. But as Eric Jong said "Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." 

Maybe love is like a disease, which starts presenting all these little symptoms, and you don't realize until it's too late. When the other person can make you smile with no words, and can make you cry the same way. When he or she is on your mind all day long, each of the 1440 minutes a day, the 604800 seconds of the week, to a point is almost unbearable, fantastically unbearable. Because everytime you're together problems are gone, the rest of the world disappears for a while. "To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." as H.L. Mencken says. Maybe it's those butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounding on your throat, your breathing rushing, each time your hands brush. When you start noticing those little gestures which characterize your loved one, those that make you laugh remembering how stupidly in love you seem for noticing it, and when you can't sleep because being awake is already a dream come true. When you love each and every flaw, the other person's imperfection has you in awe, because it makes him or her perfect for you, and you feel it's the missing piece for your puzzle. Maybe, it is a lot simpler... Maybe it's when you put their happiness first.

You may think I'm too young to know about love, to even speak about it. But isn't love the one that makes you feel like a twee, unconscious, irresponsible teenager? "Love is too young to know what conscience is."- W. Shakespeare. Lot's of people tell me I'm crazy, that feeling like this is mad, but I agree with Nietzche, "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." I don't know, love is just unexplainable, it breaks your inner order, your mind, it releases you. "Love to fault is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged and unconfined, and breaks all chains from everymind." - W. Shakespeare.

We may not know what it is, but we can't deny it's existence. If it doesn't exist, then why do we talk about it? Why do so many people write about it? Guess it is like Tom Hansen said, "You'll know it when you feel it". Let it be, don't be scared, let it get in your bones, ignite your soul, it may come to your door and struck you at any moment, and then, You'll know it.

"Todo tiene un final" dicen muchos, y tienen razón, bah, no se si todo, quizás dentro de mi fantasía creo que existen ciertas cosas, que son interminables, incluso después de la muerte. Mi fantasía, mi mundo de negación. Si, la verdad, no me gusta que las cosas tengan finales, aunque sea algo que tenga que aceptar. Quizás no me molesta el hecho de los finales, sino el miedo de nunca encontrar eso, que perdura, ese sentimiento sin fin. 
Yo se que las cosas se acaban en algún momento, pero no me gusta pensarlo, es como vivir pensando que todo lo que haces va a terminar, todo lo que tenés en algún momento no va a estar, todas tus relaciones con la gente van a terminar, tu vida va a terminar... Me amarga, me deprime, me hace perder el tiempo, tiempo que podría estar disfrutando, antes de que llegue el final. 
Por eso, no dejo que me amargue mas de unos minutos, recuerdo que son minutos desperdiciados, de tiempo preciado. 
Porque si las cosas se van a terminar, voy a aprovecharlas al máximo, hasta el último segundo.

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person." - anonymous quote

A la deriva

Sonó la alarma, la apagué y me levanté. Con cuidado de no hacer ruido, en puntas de pie fui hasta donde estabas. Llegué a la puerta y paré. Ahí te encontrabas, acostado en el piso, durmiendo. Te miré por un rato, sintiéndome extrañamente mareada, como un nene subido a una calesita. Sonreí. Me agaché y me acosté al lado tuyo. Mientras me abrazabas y dabas un beso cerré los ojos. Todo el piso empezó a girar, pero no me importó, las palomas en la panza... otra vez. 
Sentía como si quemara, pero, como ese calor inaguantablemente lindo. Duele. Arde, pero me encanta. Es como cuando te vas de campamento, en una noche muy fría y te pones bien cerca de frente a la fogata, y llega un punto en que de tan cerca que estas quema, y casi no podes aguantar el calor, pero no te querés alejar porque sabes que después de ese calor tan intenso te vas a morir de frío? Viste? Así se siente estar con vos.
Me asustas. Me asusta el después, el final. Me asustan mis sentimientos, el no poder controlarlos. Sos como el imán que desequilibra todos mis polos, pero sin embargo, en ciertos momentos creo que sos la pieza faltante, ese engranaje que encaja perfectamente con esta maquina, que descontrola y desequilibra, pero que solo de esa manera logra ponerla a funcionar.
Caíste de la estratosfera para aterrizar acá, al lado mío, casualidad, no casualidad... 
-"Hace mucho que no quería tanto a alguien". Yo nunca quise tanto a nadie.


Estoy como flotando, en una balsa en el mar... No puedo controlar lo que hago, ni a donde voy... 
Las olas me llevan y puedo terminar tanto en una isla como en el fondo del mar. 
Pero yo solo se que no me molesta andar a la deriva sin saber donde termina, si estoy con vos.
I'm just hoping you're the one.

I feel like Tom Hansen... all over again.




Shit.

Is it strange that I want to go to sleep and never wake up?
Is it strange that I feel like that... again?

My bed sheets again soaked,
make up stained,
little exhausted drops.

Still can't understand,
"It's your fault", he said.
Why do you hate me that much?

I'd be anything you want.
What have I done wrong?
I beg you, stop making me cry.

A thousand homes,
Another broken family.
I hear the moans,
Why do you leave me?

I loved you, I thought you did too. Guess I was wrong, whatever I say you'll just go.
There must be something wrong with me, cause this is not the first time.
I've tried my best and more than that, still can't understand.
Tell me what's wrong with me? Why do you hate me so much?
You wont talk. I'm stucked, here trapped.

I want to ran away. I dont want to live here anymore.
I cant stand it, I cant even talk.
I'm just lying strengthless, waiting for someone to come,
take me out of this mess somehow.